Long, Lonely Days...

Well, a few weeks have passed and it seems I've done quite a bit of climbing. With the clarity of thought returning, I begin to relearn about myself and push aside barriers that have been in the way... and worse, they were in plain sight. Just the cloudiness of my perception hindering my awareness.

Anyway, things continue to look up, though the safety margins are quite narrow. Kind of like riding a few of the trails in Moab, UT; one slip and there would only be one choice... you or your bike. I hope it is not that dramatic in reality, but who really knows? I'm sure many of those now living on the streets were once in a similar position as I am right now. I just refuse to let those thoughts take over my actions, reactions and clarity. Still, there is still one point of contact that has inflicted this on not only myself but my family and friends as well.

I broke the news to my parents last weekend. I had already revealed the news to my sister and oldest brother, so it would only be a matter of time before it reached them. And I would rather let them know on my terms and not from a third-party source. A few days later, they called up again to see if we were alright. And I told them we were. No problems... the way of life I lead is one of balance. One has to always be prepared. One should never live beyond their means. To be in a cycle of never-ending debt is irresponsible and devastating. Don't do it. After a few minutes of assuring them that the situation was well under control, my mom asked me if my wife was alright, and I told her yes. My mom wanted to speak with my wife... and right away started to make certain we were alright. My wife laughed and we discussed the irony of the question as it pertained to the probable perceptions of my parents. They only have their own experiences to draw from, and my wife and I have always seemed to be the exception.

I've started to sit on the trainer for a bit. It seems to help me focus. The sound of the chain riding over the cogs and the rubber dragging on the resistance unit bring me back to the peaceful back roads that led to the blue-green waters of Lake Michigan. Standing atop the dune at Castle Park and seeing the haze of the noon heat, crashing whitecaps on the beach below and the cool shade of the oaks and maples. I miss the company of reasonable thoughts and an open ear. I'll miss those days most of all.

Currently what I am having to obsess over is my home. With opportunities slowly coming to present themselves, they are all quite a distance from where I live. For more than 5 years, we have poured a lot of sweat equity into a hundred year old house. Taking what was a pretty run down home and brought it back to life. The tenacity of my wife made the entire home just glow with life, something that was kicked to the curb by previous owners. Anyway, the obsession comes wit hthe fact that we may have to sell in this awful market. I don't doubt the house will garner a fair price, just the fact that we will be parting ways sooner that we had anticipated... and before all things have been buttoned up. It's quite sad to know we are in the last days of such a magnificent home. Sigh.

A few more weeks and the beginning of the next cycle should be determined and be on its way. Slow and steady revolutions. Stay seated for maximum leverage and stay low in the drops. As soon as the end in near, switch up to the hoods and come out of the saddle... two clicks up and start beating the drum to crest strong. The reward is just on the other side....